Lets so back.. way back.

During my husbands deployment, I was pretty active on this website called CinC House. Its a place for Military wives to meet each other and connect. The website had a blogging feature where you can tell your story. So during the Deployment, I blogged on there until I made it to Germany and started the one you are reading now. I just wanted to share some of the memories, joys and struggles I had. I am just going to copy and paste it from it to here. Enjoy. Reading it has brought back such memories.

June 23 2010 I am a new Army wife and surviving this first crazy deployment. My husband and I were married when he was fresh out of Basic training. Two days after we married he left for Germany thinking I would be command sponsored soon, well that didn't happen and he was deployed.. We recently had our mid tour leave and it was the first time we saw each other in a year.. literately, we spent our one year anniversary while he was on mid tour.   The first couple of days of mid tour was everything I thought it would be.. I made him his first meal as his wife, we couldn't stay away from each other for more then 5 minutes.. just completely happy. But eventually it all went down hill. We started fighting about EVERYTHING, our "sexual relations" started to seem like we both were just uninterested.. I don't know what happened. I thought Mid Tour was the easy and happy time and when hes home for good is when the readjusting problems could happen. We did talk about it before he left and we just don't know what happened.   During the few days before he came home on mid tour we were talking about conceiving and starting a family, well we did for the first few days but obviously it didn't happen. When we talk on Skype or write letters, you would think we had the perfect marriage and so in love but mid tour leave did not go as I thought it would.   Currently I am in the process of PCSing to Germany while he is deployed so I can have our new home on post ready for him, I don't have orders yet, I'm still doing paperwork. My DH has less then 5 months left of this deployment and we are back to being happy as can be on Skype and all. I'm just so worried it will go back to mid tour when he is home in Germany. I live in Spokane WA, I moved here to be near my mom a few months ago after my dad passed away and I don't know anyone, that's why I'm so grateful for CinCHouse.. There is a lot of support here and I'm always wanting to make new friends :)  June 24 2010  Today I am moving out of my apartment and moving in to a sort of temp housing that the Army is paying for. I will be there until its time to PCS to GERMANY!!!! My apartment is cluttered with boxes and crap haha. But I'm so happy to take the first step in getting over to Germany. I completed the final paperwork to be command sponsored so I have about a month until I get on the plane!! YAY! June 25 2010  I don't know whats wrong with us. When my DH and I first got married, he was really weird about telling me he loved me when other people were around when he was on the phone with me ( he left for his duty station 2 days after we married). I thought it was just a phase and didn't think to much in to it because he eventually told me he loved me every second he could.    Well we just celebrated our one year anniversary while he was on mid tour leave. Now that he is back over there I talked to him tonight for the first time and when it was time to hang up I told him I loved him and was so in love with him and couldn't wait to see him again.. well his response was "yea,  you too." He noticed I was hurt and said sorry but his buddy's are around. I'M HIS WIFE!!!! I'm friends with his friends on Facebook and I always see sweet posts about loving their wives and all, why is he so uncomfortable about telling me he loves me in front of his friends? We even tried to conceive a baby while on mid tour and start a family, that is definitely not something a man that has a family does to his wife. I was so mad and hurt I just hung up on him. I mean here I am ready to shout my love for him from the rooftops but he wont say it in front of his friends. I'm so hurt and confused. June 27 2010  So here I am sitting in a dingy, dead body smelling motel in downtown Spokane. The month to month temp housing I was going to move in to until Germany fell through so I'm spending the next month in a motel, and a cheap crappy one at that... the elevators don't even work and the hallway has a horrid stench to it.. But I found out that as soon as I get orders I can move on to Fairchild AFB I live next to in to temp housing for free until I go to Germany. So I really hope those orders come in soon... I don't have a clue on how long it takes to get orders after the paperwork is all completed.. could be weeks.. months (that's a scary thought haha) But I'll survive this motel as long as the bugs don't get me first YUK! haha. Ive been in worse. June 29 2010 I talked to my DH tonight and we were talking about him going to medical school (he wants to become a doctor), starting a family, life in general after the Army which is coming up here in a few years.. well we tried to conceive on mid tour but it didn't happen and we were planning on trying again when he is back and living on post after deployment but tonight he decided that we should wait because he is worried about not being a good father and not being able to provide for a family. He wants to wait until hes done with med school and has a good paying job then for me to be a house wife at that time. I mean I'm a house wife now but with no kids.  I hate how he keeps changing his mind about everything but I understand it also.. having kinds is a big decision and we should make it together but I'm ready now.. I thought he was too on mid tour.. I was just so sure we were going to start a family when he is home in Germany. But who knows.. maybe hes just worried now but ready when hes home. I shouldn't be to worried about it, I'm 20, I have my whole life to have kids and all but I guess I was just ready for it all now and that it was settled. I hate how its all uncertain now. June 30 2010  Today is probably one of the more happier days lately. My DH called and we had a heart to heart about everything and I feel a lot better about it all. Getting more and more excited as days go by that I'm closer to PCSing to Germany and closer to my husband coming home from his year tour in Afghanistan. I haven't been doing much school lately.. kinda been a little down and not in the mood for it but i think I'm going to try to get caught up today. I am so ready to be done with school and get my certification.  July 2 2010 My DH and I got anniversary photos done while he was on mid tour leave last month and I finally got them back :) They turned out great! I love them.  These are our first pictures we've ever had done. We didn't even do pics for our wedding really, it was just a simple court house wedding. I'm so glad to have these. We had them done to celebrate our one year of marriage. July 6 2010 It seems like lately my husband hasn't been able to call as much because of all the blackouts that are happening. It used to be that they would go on blackout if there was a death, but now they go on blackout even if someone got hurt from something. Since he is Infantry, he makes contact with the Taliban often. He is the one on the front lines fighting.  I still haven't heard back from the rear detachment of the Unit about being command sponsored.. he has all of his paperwork he needs so maybe he doesn't have anything to respond and now I'm just waiting for orders. I don't know.    I really need a hobby! Lately I spend my days watching Greys Anatomy and school.. I really need something to do during the day besides TV. Its pretty lonely. Can't get a job since as soon as I get orders, I leave. Could be any day now.  July 12 2010  Just got home last night from a weekend in Seaside Oregon with my Mom. Its a nine hour drive from where I live. It was a nice time to just get away and the coast was amazing, I'm used to rivers and all and when I saw water for as long as the eye can see, it was just beautiful. I went there to spread my fathers ashes in the coast. He passed away on Christmas Day 2010 to lung cancer from Smoking. My whole life he loved the Oregon Coast and has always wanted to take me there but never got the time or opportunity and I know he would want his ashes there. The drive was very fun, got to see a lot of historic sights and beautiful scenery, got tons of pictures. But its good to be home back in Spokane :) July 14 2010  I went to the gym at Fairchild AFB (free membership since I am a military wife) yesterday morning for the first time in about a year and I am sooo sore, and even when I went to the gym before, I was never this sore but I think its because I usually only did the treadmill. Yesterday I did the treadmill but also decided to step it up a notch and do these machines the worked the arms and tummy.. all I can say this morning is OUCH!! I decided I'm taking a day off but continuing it tomorrow morning.   I started a new book, Vino in Vo, and love it, plus its about three wives surviving a deployment from my husbands brigade (173rd Airborne Combat Team). Only they are stationed in Italy (where we were originally going to be stationed), not Germany. Ive been taking up reading more, I'm so sick of being bored and waiting on orders so that's why I'm getting more involved in the gym and books. July is halfway over already, time is flying.. Another month down and another month closer to having my husband out of that war zone! Still counting down the days.  July 17 2010  My DH made it to FOB Altimur, he was on COP Kherwar but he was hurt (he hurt his leg pretty bad) and now even though its better they still decided to take him off the line and give him a desk job. He is really upset by this because he is Infantry and worried that one of his men will be hurt if hes not with them on patrols looking out for them. I feel bad that he feels bad but in my heart I am relieved because now I know he is safe and coming home in a few short months!!! I cant believe its been almost eight months since he deployed! He is s soldier and I know this is hard for him.   Still no word on anyone finding DH orders to Germany (the last piece of the puzzle I need to be able to PCS).. But Steve said he was told to talk to a certain SSGT so I guess I will find out more when my hero calls me later on tonight! Hope you all are doing well. July 20 2010 Lately I have been really worried about my DH and I drifting apart when he gets back home.. I finally broke down and talked with him about it and he made all my fears and worries go away.. from across the planet he did that I know he truly is my soul mate and I am so happy I talked with him. I know now that communication really is very important in a marriage and I am fully committed to this marriage. I am so in love with this man. I spoke with a few other wives as well and leanred these fears are completely normal. Everyone has them. Only a few short months until we finally live a married life in Germany on post in our first home together.. and we decided that we are going to try to conceive our first baby. I already got a baby book. I'm so happy! My dream is to become a Mommy. July 24 2010 Still no word on if the Army has found a copy of my husbands orders to Germany to complete my command sponsorship packet. Its starting to get frustrating! Lately I have been meeting a lot of ladies online that are PCSing to Schweinfurt Germany also and some are already over there.. I'm so happy to have friends there since I will be PCSing while my hubby is still deployed. Things are really good right now but they will be so much better once I get orders to Germany and even MORE better when my hubby is finally home. Only a few more months!! OH, I got my hubby's return home date too! yeeee getting giddy just thinking about it July 20 2010 I'm so happy!!! I got to Skype with my hubby for 2 whole hours.. he got internet for his computer so now we can always see each other goodnight! He also finally got a copy of his orders to GERMANY which is the last thing we need to complete the command sponsorship packet!!! WE'RE DONE!!!  I'm moving to GERMANY!!! In just a few short months my hubby will done with deployment and be joining me!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!    It was soo cute too.. when I first started talking to him, I asked about it to see if there was an update on it and he said no but he should get it soon.. a little while later he told me to get on Skype because he had something to show me and wanted to see my face reaction and then he emailed me the copy of his orders that I needed to finish the packet.. Made my day.. week.. MONTH!!! lol  I'm one happy girl right now!!  August 11 2010   I'm so frustrated!!! The command sponsor stuff all went through except for the EMFP paperwork which needed a stamp on it, we were told any Military installation can stamp it so I took it to the Airforce base (Fairchild) I live next to and they decided to sent it to Ft Lewis Army post on the other side of WA.. So I called Ft Lewis and they told me they were busy but the would call me back.. they never did. I'm so mad!! The command sponsorship process is done and and all they need is they stamp and I'll have my orders to Germany a few days afterwards. ahhhh  I'm going to call them again today and see what happens.  September 3 2010  FINALLY, got the EFMP papers back, then they found more things that needed to me fixed but finally got those fixed too!!! My DH was told I will have orders in about a week if they don't find anything else wrong with the paperwork.   I moved out of the motel back on to my Moms couch until I PCS.. hopefully I get orders soon because my Moms boyfriend and I do NOT get along. UGH!!! Hurry up orders.. GEEZE!!!   Since its finally September, my DH will officially be home from Afghanistan NEXT MONTH!!!  I really need to get to Germany!!! ahhhhhhh (screaming) :)  Sept 23 2010  I have orders to Germany FINALLY!!!!!  Tubbles (my cat) and I leave from Spokane on Saturday and drive to Ft Lewis then get on the plane on MONDAY!!!  I cant believe after all this time and paperwork I'm finally PCSing!  My DH comes home from deployment next month too! Everything is finally coming together!! I'm so happy right now! Here we come, Newlywed life. And that is where this blog began. I have to admit, we were pretty young and trying to be adults. We eventually decided to hold off on having kids until after we left the Military lifestyle. My grammar wasn't great so sorry about that, I just don't feel like going through and correcting it all right now. I hope you enjoyed having a closer look at Deployment life. It was such a flash back reading this. I had so many fears but when he came home, but it was all just perfect. I later learned that all wives go though those fears of drifting apart during deployment.