My Breastfeeding Journey & first weeks home

 Its now been almost three weeks since I gave birth and I still can only walk a few steps before I get really winded and pained. My hemoglobin is still very low so I run out of breath easily. I am still bleeding a lot and that is not helping at all. They don't expect me to be healed by my 6 week postpartum checkup... but maybe that's normal. My husband has been wonderful in taking on the cooking and cleaning. Thankfully I had freezer meals ready for after birth. He always makes me laugh on his little rants on never being able to keep up with the dishes, how we never have any clean glasses, and how he has no idea how I do it, how I keep up with it all. So sweet.

Breastfeeding has not gone well.. but the lactation specialists at the hospital say my situation is not all too uncommon so knowing others have overcome it gives me hope.

An hour or so after birth when I was up in my postpartum room, I had a nurse come in to help me feed my new baby for the very first time. I was excited to learn to breastfeed. I never read a thing on it during pregnancy. I though breastfeeding was going to be the most natural thing I had ever done. I was so naive. The nurse tried to help me the best she could but Riley would not latch. She said the lactation specialists would be here in the morning. I was starting to stress, was she really saying I had to wait until tomorrow to feed my baby? She assured me he would be fine with no food for the first 24 hours of life.. and to only worry when its getting to that point.

The next afternoon we finally got a visit from a lactation specialist who works at the hospital. She also tried every method to get him to latch but still no luck. She said I have flat nipples. At this point I was an emotional wreck. Here I was a new mom and could not feed my baby. Its been almost 24 hours since birth and he still has not eaten. I was so upset that my body had failed me and his first meal in this world was formula. I did not want a bottle, we put it in a syringe and let him suck on my finger and gave him a little bit with every suck so he could still smell and taste my skin and not silicone. The nurses said they its a better way in hopes to not discourage breastfeeding. They finally put a pump in my room to help my milk come in and from there fed him the colostrum (and eventually milk) the same way.  If he wanted to suck, we gave him our pinkies because I refused to give him a binky until breastfeeding was established.

Since I was not prepared to have such trouble, or have any plans to go back to work, I had not even thought about needing to buy a pump. It was now time to take our sweet little bundle home and all I had was a hand pump given to me by the hospital. We frantically called everywhere where there was hope to get an affordable pump or possibly have my insurance pay for it. After two long weeks of pumping every few hours (I eventually was able to keep up with his demand and drop the formula) with a hand pump that was getting so much use that it was falling apart, we finally got a insurance paid pump from The Birth Center. While there to pick it up, I was able to sit in on on their weekly breastfeeding moms group and it was so comforting to hear other women's stories that had the same exact problems as me and had overcome them. I also learned about their lactation consultant and made an appointment with her.

When I finally met with the LC, she put me with a Contact Nipple Shield and I got to breastfeed Riley for the first time. It was such a joyous day. Sure, I needed the shield but we could finally bond more like nature intended a mother and baby bonded. You truly don't understand until you become a mother.

Those first few weeks were so tough on my mind and body. During it all, I was also dealing with postpartum depression. Just about everything would upset me. I cried every day.. really, every. single. day! I never thought I would ever feel better. I felt completely overwhelmed. It helped to have the shield and know their was a way to feed my baby without a pump but eventually the shield became a hassle. It really stressed me out when I could not get the shield on right and Riley would scream and scream because he was so hungry and the darn thing wouldn't stay on.

Every now and then I would try to get him to latch without the shield. It was very discouraging to see my nipples were still too flat. But over time I did notice the shield doing its job and they began protruding little by little. About a month of that, I once again tried to have him latch without the shield and HE LATCHED! It hurt and so I thought it may have been a bad latch. We tried again and again and he was latching every time. In a day I weaned him off the shield cold turkey.

We have been breastfeeding with absolutely no latch problems ever since. I don't even have to guide his head.. he knows exactly what do. I truly believe now that breastfeeding is a learned skill by both mother and baby. I was really naive in assuming it would come natural to me.

"you want me to drink from what?"

On my due date. He is one week old.

Riley's birth story

I want to try and record as many details of the most beautiful experience of my life so please excuse some of the not so pleasant details.

The Monday after I turned 39 weeks pregnant, I noticed I had lost what looked like to be my mucus plug. I remember reading something about that in my baby book and rushed to it to find out what this meant in terms of how soon our sweet baby would be here. All I got was that it means labor could be three days away or three weeks. Not really a good indicator of how soon.

But sure enough, three days later, on Wednesday, I woke up at 5 to be me peeing the bed. I got out of bed as quick as I could and rushed to the bathroom. I tried stopping the flow like I was instructed to see if it was urine or my water breaking as well as smelling it to see if it smelled sweet or like urine. Both indicators did not help me at all in trying to figure out what was happening. I called to my husband and told him to go to the store to buy me pads because I am leaking and I don't know what it is. He didn't want to leave me and said we better go to the hospital. I really didn't think I was in labor, I felt just fine, so I decided I was going to hop in the shower to shave my legs and get some makeup on. I thought I better get dressed and just get ready for the day since they would surely send me home. Once in the shower I shared having pressure on my lower abdomen like indigestion. It wasn't painful but uncomfortable. I got out of the shower and noticed I was still leaking something and it now had blood in it. I knew that if I wasn't in labor, then something must be wrong with the baby and I got real in a hurry to get to the hospital. I got dressed and put the last few things I needed for my hospital bag in it. In the hustle and bustle of it all, I was the calm one while my husband was so anxiety ridden and in a hurry. He wanted to get to the hospital right away and apparently I was taking my time.

On the drive there, I started to get a little more uncomfortable with this supposedly indigestion. It did not feel like cramps or the braxton hicks I am used to in a contraction. These little indigestion pressures were 2-3 minutes apart from the time I was in the shower until now. I started getting really hot and rolled my window down to get some air. Of course, leave it to Murphy's law, it wouldn't roll back up and we had to sit there in the parking lot at the hospital and jimmy it back to its position. The poor thing froze since it was so cold out. When I got out of the car, I then noticed my legs were wet and it had hit me that my water had for surely broken. We got to the hospital at 5:45am.

We checked in and they examined me to see how dilated I was and if my water had actually broken. It was then, as I laid on the table that I started to actually feel pain and it didn't feel like indigestion anymore. I asked how soon I could get an epidural and the nurse told me she had to see if I am even going to be admitted first. After they did their checks, a lady came in and told me I was dilated to 9cm and that I was having this baby now. Its only been an hour since my water broke and here I was almost completely dilated.. and just now getting a real pained contraction. I had to consider myself blessed. They wheeled me up to labor and delivery and I was surely in pain by then with contractions very close.

I was in such great pain that I was begging for an epidural and the nurse said it was too late to get one. I started bawling, half from pain and half knowing I would feel everything when he came out. I was scared.They had me push through a few contractions to see where we were at and he was teetering underneath the pelvic bone. It was obvious he was going to take his time coming out so they finally agreed to give me an epidural.They told me it may take the edge off but there was no guarantee it would take any pain away when I delivered. I was just too far along. My husband was such a blessing, he would rub my hips during a contraction and it helped so much with the pressure. He never left my side and would start telling  me old Army stories to take my mind off of the pain. He would pause it once the contraction is over and resume on the next one so there was always something to listen to through it.

After what seemed like eternity, the anesthesiologist finally showed up and gave me an epidural. The contractions did seem to not be as bad but it was as they said, it did not take the major amount of pressure away. I could still feel every contraction. At this point the doctors had me just relax and let my body do the pushing. I laid in bed for a few hours (maybe four) to let the contractions push him down as far as possible.

Then I started having some serious pressure. I kept asking for more epidural probably every 15 minutes but it was not touching it at all. He was starting to get real low and the pressure was me feeling him in the birth canal. It was time to push. I pushed for about an hour when I finally felt a slimy little body come out at 12:45pm. The nurses wiped him off and placed him on my chest for skin-to-skin. I was so happy to have him. He was really sticky and feeling his body on me made everything real. He was so interested in the world and looked around and finally up to stare up at me. I just let him be, to explore the world with his eyes. After that everything was all a blur. My first words to Riley were "I love you". I didn't even remember that, my husband later told me while helping me remember what happened after birth. I don't remember a whole lot. I do remember looking up at my wonderful husband and see him crying with pride and joy.

Daddy cutting the cord

Little cone head

Our beautiful baby boy

Daddy holding his baby for the first time

With my sweet little one on my chest, I began to feel not so well. The doctors were pushing on my stomach to get the placenta out and it was so painful. I could feel liquid gushing out of me and when I looked at my husband, he seemed worried. I learned later that I had a Hematoma (internal bleeding) and was losing blood. I asked if I tore at all and I learned that Riley came out with his arm up above his head and so I tore pretty bad because of it. They sat there for about 30 minutes putting stitches in. My husband later said they put two full rolls of stitches in me. I was not looking good and my husband later revealed he really didn't know if I would make it. He was standing by my head and could see all the blood I was losing. I was turning white and was very weak. He actually thought for a while that there was a chance he would have to raise Riley on his own. Hearing that just broke my heart.


When it was time to go to my postpartum room after I was done being stitched up, I could not even lift myself from my bed to the transport bed. I was so weak. But I managed to get over to the other bed and I immediately felt dizzy and lightheaded. I was put on bed rest until the next afternoon. That first night was horrible. My right leg was still numb from the epidural and I could not get up and get to my baby at his every whimper. I had to call a nurse for every diaper change and it killed me. My husband had to leave to stay the night at home with Gunyr, our dog, since he couldn't be boarded at Dogtopia until the next morning and I didn't want him home alone all night.

I stayed at the hospital for three nights. Its usually two nights but I had to get a blood transfusion from the high blood loss and they had to monitor me. Riley also got Jaundice and had to stay under the UV light for our last night there as well and thank goodness, it cleared up in time so he could go home with us.

Taking a break from the UV light with Mommy.

Riley is HERE!

Our sweet baby boy is HERE! His name is Riley Martin Cox. He was born February 12th 2014 at 12:45pm. Riley was 8 lbs & 1 oz, and 21 and a half inches long. I had a really hard time bringing him into this world but I'll share more of that in his birth story soon. I just wanted to share the great news that he is here and we are finally home. He is the most perfect baby. We have been so blessed. The amount of love he has brought in to our lives...its just amazing.

39 weeks

Won't be long now. It really has not set in at all that I could be meeting my sweet boy any day. I don't have much of an update this week. My OB is going to check my cervix at 40 weeks to see where we are at. They didn't find it necessary to do it this week since I have not been contracting much so I am probably not too far along.

39 weeks

Udder Cover

I am less then two weeks away from my due date and slowly but surly getting everything done. I could go in to labor at any time and I still don't have my hospital bag packed. Time is flying by, I just can't believe it. This week I was able to finally get my Udder cover done. Don't you just love the name of it, haha. I am doing a cow print theme for my diaper bag so I made my cover cow print with a green lining since I am trying to stick to a green theme for baby anyways. Since I have no energy and time is just running out, I decided to have my diaper bag made for me and I would make the accessories for it myself. But since I am so close, I may not get it until after He is born. Sort of a bummer but we will see what happens.

37 weeks

I am in just total awe that I am now considered 'full term'. Some consider 39 weeks to be full term but a lot consider 37 weeks. Its just crazy to think I am almost done with this pregnancy. We will meet our baby boy in three weeks or less. How amazing to just think about. I never knew you could love someone that you have never met so much. This time next month, I will be busy with new mom stuff.. diaper changes, feedings, cuddles, late nights, kisses, hugs, and everything in between. We can't wait.

Everything is ready for him except those little items we still have to get like diapers and such. Just everyday necessities. I am planing to cloth diaper but since I still have not had the time to make them.. (well, energy more like) we will use disposable ones until I get my diaper stash done. Plus using disposable will help with adjusting to mommy-hood so I don't have a pile of diapers piling up to clean when I am exhausted from lack of sleep so it just makes sense.

We decided not to get him permanent furniture like a crib and changing station. Those type of things are such a hassle to take apart and we move two months after he is due so we are using a pack and play for his crib that now sits by my side of the bed. It has a bassinet and changing station in it so I thought that was perfect. I always thought pack and plays was for toddlers so I was really impressed. It will be perfect for the hotels and things during our move too. I wish we could have a nursery for him but once we get in to our new home, I plan to really make his room special and look forward to decorating.

Centering Pregnancy is over now.  We had our last session this week and now I am doing weekly visits to the office for normal prenatal checkups until baby boy decides to make an appearance.

37 Weeks

 

Some highlights I don't want to forget-

• I have gained 9 pounds in total so far (no gain or loss since 30 weeks)
• Baby seems to always get the hiccups after I eat a big meal.
• I have started to get those weird cravings that I would never eat otherwise. I actually like peas.. for now.
• Baby's heart beat is 146 bpm
• Craving both salty and sweet.. depends on the day. I could go for potato chips one day and a can of peaches the next.

Rag Quilt

I really wanted to make baby boy his first blanket. I searched and searched for a good tutorial on how to make one online but didn't find anything that jumped out at me. Then I looked on Pinterest and found one for a rag quilt. I feel in love and had to make it asap. I didn't know how long this quilt was going to take me since I have never made one so I wanted to get started right away. I must say I am really impressed with myself. I did not mess up once. There was no sewing the wrong sides together or cutting anything to the wrong size. Plus it only took me three days. I am pretty happy with the results. Hubby saw it and is now begging for me to make us one to cuddle up in for movie nights and things. I may have to surprise him once I have everything else made for baby and have the time to put in to another quilt.

Maternity photos

Just doing a quick post to share our photos from our maternity shoot. I am 35 weeks pregnant here. Enjoy!

34 weeks

32 Weeks 

34 Weeks

I am starting to experience all those discomforts that those late in pregnancy talk about. When I lay on my side at night, I have to have something, like a pillow, to prop my tummy or else it hurts so much as well as horrible pain from sneezing or coughing from round ligaments. I have started to get full quickly and my belly button is nearly all the way stretched out and gone. Its super weird to see. It will be interesting to see what it looks like in a few weeks.
We can officially say we will meet our baby boy NEXT MONTH! Woah! Some have said we could be meeting him in March if he decides to stay in longer but I have a feeling he will be early rather than late. So far my intuition has been right on most things so I am eager to see what happens. I am considered "full term" at 37 weeks and that's at the end of January. Won't be long now and I feel so unprepared. I have not even started making his diapers.. or anything I planned on sewing for him. I really need to get my butt in gear on getting the house ready and everything bought and made. So much to still be done.

30 weeks and a snow day!

I sort of feel like we have hit a milestone. 30 weeks! Wow. I still can't picture myself ever being on labor and actually meeting my sweet baby boy but, God willing, it will be in the next seven to ten weeks. I feel so blessed for the baby growing inside me. The love I feel for him, I didn't know existed or was possible. Its so overwhelming. I love him so much and I can't wait to meet him.
I am never bored when he is awake and active. I can push on my tummy and he will start going crazy with those little feet where I pushed. He is getting so big that he can now deform my tummy as he moves. His position is often quite noticeable.

Anatomically correct baby mold at 30 weeks

Trying to imagine how he would look inside.

Centering Pregnancy instructor helped me visualize his position.

30 Weeks pregnant

Some Highlights-

• Baby's heart rate is 138 bpm
• I have gained 9 lbs so far

This week, we had our first major snow storm. We had a lot of fun introducing Gunyr to snow for the first time. He was going crazy and running around all over. Its now hard to get him to come back inside. He sure has some mountain dog in him. Later in the day, I got a must-have craving for Taco Bell. I talked Steve in to taking Gunyr for a car ride to get him out of the house since we couldn't go to the dog park due to the bad weather, we knew no one would be there.
About a half hour later, I got a call from my husband saying he has not gotten far from home and stuck in traffic because people don't know how to drive in the snow. I talked with him for an hour on the phone (with his ear piece, of course) while he sat in traffic.. and then he had to slow crawl a hill. Somehow the engine died and he got a flat tire. So now he was broke down with a dead battery with our pup in the car. The car wouldn't start and they had no heat. The snow was coming down hard and while still having me on the phone hearing all this, I was losing my mind, looking online for a roadside assistance service, and praying praying praying. I was so worried and trying to come up with some way to get them back home.
Police were out directing traffic since it was so bad and he was finally able to get a squad car out to help him, thank the lord. Even through all that, he still made the trip to Taco Bell. I was just so happy to have them home but baby boy sure enjoyed his taco bell.. if only he knew what his Daddy had to go through to get it for him.

A little collage of Gunyr's first snow day and us playing in the winter wonderland. This is my favorite time of the year.

28 Weeks

We are finally in the third trimester! Where has the time gone? In centering, we did a tour of Labor and Delivery to see where we will be having our babies and I just can't imagine that day of delivering would ever come. I am still trying to comprehend that there is actually a baby, a real human, in there. The thought of holding this baby and taking him home seems like a dream.. not a reality that will soon come.

One more trimester. Just crazy! He is getting so big. You can see him poking himself out of my tummy and moving all over. He loves when I rub his back, head, and little feet. I will rub my tummy where I can feel he is and he will just stay right there while I do so. He will get real active after I eat but there is no settling down when he gets something sweet in him. He will just kick and kick. We will just sit and watch my tummy bounce and move all over.

My cravings have been pretty normal all pregnancy. No weird ones that I hear from everyone else like Pizza with mustard. But I do have pretty intense cravings for Chinese food and have even drove across state lines to go to Panda Express at the mall in PA. I have also waited for KFC to open just for a large serving of mac and cheese.

I'm not sure of I ever gave the results to my three hour glucose test but it came back normal. I had my third trimester glucose test a few days ago and that came back normal as well, thank the Lord. But, I have become anemic and now have to take Iron and Vitamin C pills twice a day. Since I have a major fear of swallowing pill (never been able to do it), I have been grinding them up in smoothies with our Vita-mix and that has worked out great.

28 Weeks

26 weeks

I can really feel baby boy moving now. Sometimes I have to stop and say "whoa, that was a big kick". Kick counts have been a breeze. Ill start counting during his most active time and it takes anywhere from a minute to five minutes to get ten kicks.

My cravings have included noodle dishes, mac and cheese, chocolate, and strangely enough, candy canes. Good thing they are starting to put them back on the shelves since the Holidays are coming up. But Chinese food has been a big one. Just today we drove to Pennsylvania (again) so I could get Panda Express. YUM! I can't get enough.

I have been feeling great but the exhaustion has officially crept back in. Very few days am I able to go through a day without a nap. Maybe the insomnia has something to do with that as well. Its very hard to sleep at night and I am always waking up to numb hips. Can't lay on my back, can't lay on my front.. and my hips go numb when I lay on either side. Yeah, sleeping these days has been way too much fun. And of course I should mention (since I don't want to forget anything), he is getting much heavier and when he lays low on my bladder, its very uncomfortable. Not to mention when he starts to kicks it. I have to run to the closest bathroom. Hubby loves to laugh at me and cheers baby boy on. And this whole peeing a little every time I sneeze thing is for the birds.

I am not complaining, just trying to record everything. I wanted this.. all of it! I thank God for it. With all the minor discomforts, this is the best experience I have ever had. I fall more in love with this baby with every kick and flip. If God forbids me to have another, I just want to be able to remember my experience in my own words.

26 weeks

 I posted a photo of this shirt at a concession stand at the Mall when we first moved to Delaware because I thought it was awesome.. well, Hubby bought it for me! Haha, I love it. I love how its customized to where we live. Proud Homemaker, I am.

Babymoon

We decided to have a baby-moon which basically is one last fun vacation type trip before baby comes. Ive known some to leave the country on extravagant trips for their baby-moon but we wanted to stay close since we have our fur-kids and Stephen is right in the middle of the semester at school. We went to a close Hotel that had everything we wanted. We swam in the beautiful indoor pool ..quite a bit. Ordered takeout, watched some interesting shows on cable, and just enjoyed each other. It was so fun and so relaxing. The hot tub was off limits for me but soaking my feet in it was so nice. Plus they had the best breakfast. I didn't want to leave.

Our room

The Pool and Hottub

Daddy and Gunyr relaxing

Showing off the growing belly. 24 weeks here.

23 weeks

I can't believe how fast time is going.. or how much this sweet baby of ours is growing. I can now watch him kick and move under my clothes. He sure is an active one. Steve also got to feel him kick for the first time on October 20th. I could tell he was starting to kick hard and had him put his hand on my belly and He got to feel. He was pretty amazed.
At our recent centering group, they passed around an anatomically correct baby mold at 22 weeks. We got to hold it and see exactly what our baby is looking like and how heavy he would be if we held him now. He was pretty big. I snapped a photo, can you believe how big our boy is getting? By the feel of his kicks, I believe it.

baby mold of a 22 week old baby

My cravings as of lately has been chocolate, Arbys, and Sprite soda. I am completely off of Caffeine beverages. Wooo, go me! I started getting even more sensitive to the caffeine and my heart started skipping beats real bad after drinking a Pepsi and my husband almost had to take me to the emergency room. I just can't drink them anymore. That was a month or so ago and I have not touched them since. Decaf drinks only for me.

I have been feeling pretty good... when I am relaxing. haha. My feet will start to swell easily and my back will start hurting pretty quickly into a shopping trip. I try my best to walk at night and started doing pregnancy stretches and it helps a bit. I try to save my energy for keeping up with house chores, I think I am in full nesting mode. I don't even like dishes being in the sink. Everything must be clean!

Another week and I start my kick counts. (how cute is my pen from my centering group?) Also showing is my Centering notebook. I keep track of all things mommy and baby in there. Info that the doctors have, I have. I love that about Centering.

23 weeks along. Baby boy is growing.

Anatomy screen

I am now 21 weeks. We got to have this very long ultrasound that was an hour long, its called an Anatomy screen. The Sonographer looked over everything. Then the doctor looked over the photos and came and did a screen himself. Everything looked great. Baby boy has ten fingers and toes. He is one pound and one ounce. Its amazing how they can determine that while in the womb.
It was so sweet to just sit there and watch him move, kick, punch, and flip. Every ultrasound so far, they have always mentioned how active he is. There was one point when he had his arm bent the under his head and the other arm scratching his bottom. We all started laughing and said yep, that's Stephen's boy. Like father like son.

Baby boy at 21 weeks and 5 days

Gender Reveal!

Are you ready?! Sorry in advance for the overload of photos. I had way to much fun revealing the gender to family and friends. We could not do any gender reveal party since we live so far away so I came up with something fun, memorable.. and suspenseful! I started a mass text to family and closest friends with one photo every half hour until we eventually revealed the gender. I got a lot of "hurry" and "tell us already". It was definitely suspenseful for a few who was dying to know such as our moms, sisters, and close friends. Our Moms got to know first and then family, and finally friends and social media. It was fun to chat with everyone and know what they thought the gender was. It was so much fun to prepare, decorate, and execute.

Its almost time! He or She.. Open to see!

Three

Two

One

ITS A BOY!

Call it Mommy's intuition but didn't I say I just had a feeling it was a boy? Funny how that works.

When Steve's mom finally got the news that we are having a boy, she started bawling. I could barely hear her words though sobs. We talked on the phone for awhile and it was great to hear her reaction. It was so special.